This is gonna be super personal and I kinda feel like I need advice. I need advice cos I have been having doubts about what I’m majoring in. Every time, someone asks me about my major and they are just like “wow, so you are gonna be a chemist?” Well, not exactly.
The thing is…
I don’t know anymore. It’s like my spark for Chemistry died somewhere along the way towards the end of 2015. I haven’t been the same since that year.
It’s not like I’m failing or doing super terribly in Chemistry. According to my high expectations, I am below it but that’s okay. I’m okay with it because I was adapting to a new environment and struggling with so many other issues.
Where did that passion for Chemistry go?
I don’t know.
Is it back now?
I think so.
When did it start? I do know.
It was when I was barely sixteen. I failed all my DPA applications to any business course in any of the polytechnics. By then, I knew I didn’t want to continue with the rigorous studying for A levels. I was never great with national exams or exams with bell curves of any sort, it just wasn’t for me.
One day, I was talking to my Chemistry teacher, she was saying how good Chemistry graduates get paid. After that, I went to do my research, at first I was interested in petrochemicals and oil but realised it is all organic chemistry which I hated back then.
As I further explored the various areas, I found Medicinal Chemistry which I specialised in Polytechnic. The topic interested me because I wanted to give back to the society. I wanted to be able to invent new drugs in order to cure many diseases such as cancer, heart diseases and so on… That’s because I wasn’t able to help my loved ones who had them when I was younger, sadly, they are not here anymore.
What I was left with was this burning desire to keep trying harder to ensure that my loved ones didn’t die in vain. Each death of my loved one was a fuel to that fire that kept me going. Finally, when I got into Poly, I was beyond overjoyed.
Then I got into my dream specialisation: Medicinal Chemistry Research and the road was tough and made it through so far. The question is: Is it ever gonna be enough?
I spoke with a wise friend who said, I have a purpose to work towards to. She said she wanted to see my name somewhere out in the world. Maybe someday, I will become that medicinal chemist that I want to be.
Not now but someday… My purpose is going to guide me back she said… And just like that I would pick Chemistry over and over again given the chance.
Signing off with newfound optimism,